I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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