READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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