If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Randomize
