Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Welp...herpes.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
