the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Is Oprah even human
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize