Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
