Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
