i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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