hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We are two peas in an std pod
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize