When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
