dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
