paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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