I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
