"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
