I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
