Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
