I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
