she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I don't deserve a penis
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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