If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
