yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
