Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
