is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
