Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
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