I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
