Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize