idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
