He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
