This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
