It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize