when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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