your thong is hanging out like whoa
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
