You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
