My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
