found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
