Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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