Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
