I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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