Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
