so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
