I CAN MOONWALK!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize