doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
