There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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