Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
