Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
