dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
