I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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