"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
