Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
