i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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