ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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