And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize