I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
