38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
