this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
