when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
