All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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