we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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