hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
