She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
it was like eating out sand paper
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
