also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
How does one acquire holy water?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
