You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
