Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
