a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
