If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
