We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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