i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
