Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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