I wish I could punch you in the face.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
