Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
