found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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