a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
