Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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