4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
