Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
