I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
