I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
