I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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