Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
